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Summer Drinking Games for Adoptees

surly-furiousThank you Laura Klunder for this LGA Exclusive!  BTW, I’m pretty sure I would fall flat on my face in an hour if I played the following drinking game.

P.S. Laura will be a regular columnist for the upcoming Land of Gazillion Adoptees Magazine. We’re so lucky, and I can’t wait to see what she does in the months to come.

Summer Drinking Games for Adoptees
By Laura Klunder

Hey folks! It’s finally summer in Minnesota! ‘Tis the season of getting out, hooking up, and drinking hard…especially for those of us self-medicating for a bad case of ASS. Here are Coloring Out’s ideas for getting buzzed and building community.*

*The following community building activities are experimental and must be accompanied with a balanced diet, regular exercise, and ongoing support by a licensed mental health professional.

Never Have I Ever…for transracially and transnationally adopted adults of legal drinking age.

You know this game: drink if you have, take a break if you haven’t. Here are some prompts to get you started.

Never have I ever…

1      Pretended to not speak English in order to avoid talking with White people.

2      Hooked up at an Adoptee event or gathering.

3      Sworn off dating White people.

4      Self-identified as a Twinkie, Banana, Oreo, etc.

5      Tried to live up to racial stereotypes.

6      Lost my shit on a loved one when they tripped over my adoption trauma.

7      Googled “Adoptee”.

8      Cried when reading emo poetry about Adoptee identity and/or experiences.

9      Gotten a tattoo of a nationalistic symbol from my country of origin.

10   Thrown a temper tantrum on my birthday.

11   Given up, slammed the door, runaway, driven away, flown away.

12   Written a love letter to another Adoptee.

13   Been afraid of people who look like me.

14   Dropped some knowledge on my White family when they said racist crap to me.

15   Organized for racial justice.

I Spy…neo-liberal White people, cultural appropriation, exotification, racism….the possibilities are endless. Make a general or context-specific list of possibilities that will keep you buzzed during this sobering season of Whiteness. Racism is everywhere, so get your flask ready.

Here’s my general list for when I’m hanging out by the lakes or grabbing a bite to eat. Take a drink with me every time you see:

1      A White person with oriental and/or tribal tats.

2      “Ethnic” menu items contrasted with “normal” food. Example: Korean bbq wings v. hamburger.

3      More American flags than people of color in a space.

4      A couple you’re reading as an Asian woman and a White dude with a beard.

5      White people doing yoga.

Summer Blockbuster Buzz

Summer is an exciting time for epic films starring sexy White people. I like to resist fictional racial violence and ignorant adoption narratives by getting wasted in real life. Conceal and carry your flask to the movies and take a long, hard pull whenever you see the following:

1      A transracial, transnational Adoptee saves the world.

2      Evil’s origins are in loss and displacement.

3      A racist Adopter stars in the role of racist White lady.

4      The only dynamic, brilliant, attractive, and hilarious person of color is killed to save the White hero.

5      Your White friends laugh at a racist joke that you don’t find funny.

White allies! You can get in on our summertime buzz too. Buy us a drink every time you introduce us to one of your White friends who uses our country of origin as an access point to strike up a conversation with us. Or if you’re short on funds and don’t have any ignorant White friends, give us a ride home and don’t get defensive when we talk about racism.

Cheers to a great summer! And don’t forget to drink and adopt responsibly.

1 Comment on Summer Drinking Games for Adoptees

  1. I don’t get this one -sorry but I truly love all adoptees no matter what age .I do not blame them for so many feeling the most unwanted ,cruel ,all the words in the dictionary and more that they come up with themselves,I ask any of you please don’t hate all mothers as their are some mothers you wish you had even if you had an awesome mother,my son when he was alive was my best friend,beloved son but losing him a year and a half ago at 43 while innocently riding one of his bicycles was hit and killed by a truck,there was no xmas.My son that the agency took even though my baby was planned and my crime was temporary poverty at the worst time my husband abaned us and took all the savings and no programs ,help from anyone being at the age 24 ,5 years younger than my 1st son I lost.Heres one from a greedy agency Childrens Home Society -they told me my son was found ,I was on top of the clouds happy,she said he said yes to contact,then she the SW told me he was a lawyer.I was so stupid to believe her at the time 2 yrs back,when she told me to wite him a 1st letter -important for him to know all the whats,wheres,whens,and whys.Next call was a couple months waiting then I was told to fill out med history forms,only too happy to being the quicker sent the better.Next call I hear she tells me she lost the 1st letter like it didn’t matter,even notorized,do not know if he received med history?????I have no non ID no nothing of any knowledge that he’s ok? She apologized for saying he was a lawyer,then I was at the point that maybe he had never been contacted by her at all,she complained supposedly she could not reach him at work or home,she closed his case 8 months later,now no searcher wants to help me ,something is so wrong,there is a way even though I need someone very sharp to talk to her for me as I will never even get the truth (claims P.O.Box across the street.Wonder how much money they’ve lost through the mail.I have done every legal thing I was supposed to do,a detective could find out all about this in minutes ,she had oodles of resources and the agency leaves her souly in charge of my case,I do know I cannot be the only one that some don’t bother with,?WHy? and where can I find anyone in this mega world to help me.Does anyone know,thanks for your time and all my best wishes for you and loved ones.

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