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Leave My Parents Out of This

A few weeks ago, a commentor on Facebook opined that this blog can easily be interpreted as anti-adoption for a few reasons, one of them being that the contributors rarely say anything nice about their parents (adoptive). I feel that there are many rebuttal points to offer to that observation, and I welcome readers to offer any rebuttals they may have in the comments, but my first thought to this observation was, “Leave my parents out of this.”

My parents are sweet, caring people and adoption is a deeply flawed institution. See, I can say something nice about my parents and still think critically about adoption. Because:

    I am an adult. I think things, form opinions, and articulate the same as an independent person. My parents have certainly had a hand in the person I am today, but I am too far into my adult life to credit them for all my thoughts and feelings.

    My parents don’t have anything to do with my criticisms of the adoption institution. There is rarely a time when it is appropriate to put a warm-fuzzy shout-out to mom and dad when I am telling the establishment that they suck.

    I am not the right person to stroke my parents’ adoptive parent egos; that’s what other adoptive parents are for. They have their adoption community and I have mine.

    Finally, why does adoption friendly have to mean adoptive parent friendly or vice versa? I’m adoptee-friendly. That means I take issue when others who claim to be adoption friendly create, support, and enact policies and practices that are too agency or adoptive parent centered and not adoptee centered.

In my opinion, adoptive parents have plenty of venues to feel welcome and valued; adoptees, especially critically-thinking adoptees, have very few places to go. So, if my posts don’t say enough nice things about my parents to make you feel like I support adoption, I suggest you find one of the other million places that do and please, leave my parents out of this.

3 Comments on Leave My Parents Out of This

  1. Amen. Nicely said. It seems we are never allowed to voice our own sacred opinions unless the a-parents gets acknowledgment….similar to how people give their power of success to ‘God’, others feel we need to give our power of our own successes to our ‘a-parents’. No Thanks. The reason why I am successful is because I did all of the work! I created my own success.

  2. I find this criticism from certain APs to be patently offensive. It is the equivalent of plantation owners complaining that abolitionists don’t tell them they are “nice people”. Can we even imagine such a scenario? Even if there were some upstanding citizens who just happened to own slaves, this does not deny their class position, their role in using a particular system to their advantage and to the great disadvantage of others, and their continued use of this position to silence those whose opinions they don’t find stroke their narcissism in the right direction. That we need be put in a defensive position concerning this issue only reflects all the more our disempowerment at their hands, which they understand very well.

  3. Amen, Shelise!

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