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A Quote From Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute: “Do you still beat your wife?”

There’s yet another adoptee citizenship case involving an Indian adoptee.  There are a surprising number of adoptees, adoptive parents, AND adoption establishment individuals who are looking into the story.  In an effort to do my part to raise awareness, I took to Facebook last night and did my usual “snarky Kevin Ost-Vollmers” routine.  To prod Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute a bit to see if he or Evan B. would do something, I wrote the following and tagged him:

‎”Adam Pertman, Evan B and its big name board (isn’t Hugh Jackman an honorary member or something? Jane Aronson?) doesn’t really deal with this stuff, right? Adoptees getting deported out of the US? Am I just making stuff up?”

As you may have guessed, a few adoptees jumped and leveled critiques of Adam/Evan B.  I asked these adoptees to give Adam, whom I don’t mind personally, the benefit of the doubt and allow him to respond. He did and wrote:

“We are doing “stuff,” in this case and in others. Now I’m going back to work rather than defending myself or the Institute against uninformed criticism. May I ask the folks who are throwing brickbats: Do you still beat your wife?”

Here’s the screenshot.

I’m sure Adam gets tired of defending himself and Evan B.  However, defending oneself is just a part of the game when you’re involved in adoption.  I would know since people ask me these types of questions all the time: “Why are you talking with NCFA?”; “Why are you talking with CCAI?”; “Why are you talking with JCICS?”; “Why bother talking with Pertman?”; “Why don’t you fully come out in favor of banning adoption altogether?”; “You’re so disrespectful for attacking Children’s Home Society & Family Services.”

More than that, Adam’s vitriolic response was unprofessional.  Nevertheless, unlike adoptees who periodically throw insults, Adam won’t be labeled “angry,” “unstable,” “not to be taken seriously,” etc.  Rather, Adam will receive a free pass, which are not offered to adoptees.  Adam will continue to rub shoulders with celebrities.  Adam will remain in the media’s conciousness whenever it needs “expert testimony” about an adoption story while the stories of individuals like Kairi Abha Shepherd remain in obscurity.

20 Comments on A Quote From Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute: “Do you still beat your wife?”

  1. Brent Snavely // May 18, 2012 at 1:00 pm // Reply

    …I wonder why he had beating one’s wife on his mind…

  2. Chad Rancher // May 18, 2012 at 2:21 pm // Reply

    The adoption indu$try is only interested in “creating new families” by destroying the original, natural families. They are NEVER concerned with the life-long issues, the pain, or the unresolved grief and suffering that the natural mother, the adopted-out child, or the biological siblings of adoption loss experience. Adoption is and has always been about removing newborns and young children from their first families to sell (Yes, sell!) to baby-hungry infertile couples.
    There is NO mandate from any Higher Power to separate babies from their loving, but perhaps, poor, families of origin. God does NOT have an “Adoption Plan” for his divine creations!! Mothers, don’t allow your babies to be put up for adoption. God did not put your baby in the “wrong tummy.” All involved in the multi-billion dollar adoption busine$$ must stop using the slick Madison Avenue advertising tricks!
    Adoption agencies are NOT at all concerned about the human toll or collateral damage that extends into the futures of those crushed by adoption. The only way to end the generational, cultural trauma is to end all adoptions, and for REAL HUMAN BEINGS to stop buying BABIES, here in America and abroad!! There are healthier, more humane, and better ways to help support natural families than to steal their kids…

    • Thanks for your thoughts, Chad. Would you mind sharing what are the more humane and healthier ways to help support first families whenever you get the chance? Thanks!

  3. declassifiedadoptee // May 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm // Reply

    There is no comparison between the questions you asked and the one Mr. Pertman proposed. The “do you still beat your wife” question indicates when a question has neither a yes or no answer when the content is not relevant to the person being asked.

    Your question was relevant and has a yes or no answer. Either they are involved with the case or they are not. Yes or no. And if you have a mega star laiden board who no doubt benefit themselves from the philanthropic association, is it too much to ask for them to throw their weight around to make some results for the adoptees in an emergent situation? I don’t think so.

    Adoptee Rights has provided Mr. Pertman with quite a platform for his org and associated agencies to promote their brand of adoption ethics and forward thinkingness going head to head with the NCFA, both using Adoptee Rights to vie for the position of go-to adoption organization for expert opinion. Real result for adult adoptees is not too much for adoptees to be asking in return.

  4. You’re so professional, Ms. Declassified Adoptee. “Mr. Pertman”? Really? This isn’t the NYTimes 😉 Well said…

  5. I do want to see adoption banned. But adoption is the falsification of a birth certificate with the intent of giving parental rights to adults who did not create the child in question. (or adult person, where adult adoption is legal, which isn’t everywhere.) I’m fine with foster parenting, though I’m aware it needs reform.

    I question why anyone defends what basically amounts to the state doing something for which it’d send you to prison if you tried the same thing on your own. Of course, it doesn’t help that when most people think of “adoption”, they think of the aforementioned foster parenting, which is all adoption is actually arranging but with the legalized lie on top of it. No one is debating that some kids MUST be raised by someone who is not their natural parent. No question there.

    Of course, I blame the adoption industry for said conflation of birth-certificate-falsifying and foster parenting. They did this, deliberately, and now they control the conversation. Time to take that control back. WE are the ones getting hurt by this. It amazes me that single mamas are routinely ostracized and punished for going on welfare, but these adoption-industry jerks are begging for welfare too, and they get a free pass.

    (My logic progression here: If nobody falsified birth certificates, there’d be no market for the adoption industry, so all those people would lose their jobs. So by keeping birth-certificate-falsification alive, they’re ensuring they keep their jobs. Rather than EARNING the right to a paycheck they are ENFORCING it through governmental action. Welfare. There you go. And not even the necessary kind as is given to the poor. There are other jobs and you can also create your own. Clearly these marketing experts are capable of that.)

    As for humane ways to help mothers-to-be, look up Virtual Baby Shower on Facebook. I’m a bit nervous about it, don’t know if it’s actually a good idea but by gum, we’re going to try it.

  6. Chad Rancher // May 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm // Reply

    Hi Kevin,
    The original comment by AP is condescending, snide, belittling and patronizing, like so much of the treatment by the adoption industry. He classified your remarks, Kevin, and those of other concerned adoptees, as so much “uninformed criticism.” He rudely went on about how he had to go “back to work,” implying that when adoptees use the Internet to seek clarification and insight, they are “not” working, but rather wasting “HIS” valuable time. Time, perhaps, he could use to seek out another potential young pregnant woman that he and the indu$try shills can dupe out of her newborn. He will probably be waiting outside the delivery room, while Hugh Jackman and wifey “catch” the newborn of yet another trusting first mother…
    So sad, and it will not end until enlightened individuals see the truth behind the evil, secret world of adoption. I will share some of my ideas about supporting first mothers to help them keep their infants. But you already know, Kevin, that changing these powerful and entrenched cultural institutions, here and abroad, requires a lot of hard work on the part of so many people. People need to buy into a different way of thinking about babies, poverty, family bloodlines, and the adoption milieu as it has been sold to Western society over the decades…

  7. Shame he didn’t get the quote right.It is a question “Have you stopped beating your wife yet?” Adds a whole different flavour!

  8. I know this is like a classic reply of “someone should do something!”…but, I really feel like someone, with more web skills than I, should maintain a public database or at least list (maybe an internet registry?) of adoptees who have had legal complications derived from botched adoption paperwork in their youth. I think there needs to be a central tally of names and negative situations for the public to read. Because, as my boyfriend says, people outside of an adoptee’s immediate circle often do not know legal problems can arise and therefore (among other reasons!) view adoption as a benevolent universally good angelic force. This to me, only says adoptees have not done enough to teach people the whole truth in all its ugliness. It was not until this year, @ 25 yrs. of age, when I tried to get a passport, that I learned my adoption paperwork from Chile was “never processed correctly”. (And I’ve spent the better part of the year trying to fix it.) I’d posit the root of the problem, like so many others, is money, power and spin. Everyone loves a good orphan story. Adoptive parents and their associations often have money. Adoption experts love to make a good living and feel like saviors. Positive diplomatic relations have transnational adoptees as their gold seal. I mean, if a country’s people are its power– what does it mean to sell that? And of course, the most powerless, the ones with the deck most stacked against them –often the poor and supportless, sometimes the shamed–get sold. I’ve spoken with many first mothers, including my own, and have yet to meet a woman who wasn’t frightened, bullied and already placed in an economic or social situation of extreme disempowerment when “guided” into an adoption decision. It should be impossible for anyone who capitalizes on such a ritualized systemic abuse to sleep at night.

  9. A bit off topic, but why am I not surprised Utah is all tied up with the latest case from India? (As referenced by the article linked to above). Is it me, or is Utah usually involved with the nastiest and most vile abuses of adoptees?

3 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

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