Kevin is a dick – see here, here and here, but he isn’t the only one who has a bone to pick with adoption, adoption agencies, adoption professionals, clueless parents, etc. There are days when all I can dish is cynicism and snark and only the unwise would dare to ask me a “stupid” adoption question. Those are the days I wish I had a magic wand (preferably with a unicorn hair core) to make all the annoying things in adoption, i.e., annoying to me, disappear.
Today I am brandishing that wand with fury and conjuring the disappearance of “good intentions” from adoption. I don’t want people to have only bad intentions in adoption, but I do want good intentions to disappear from the list of excuses as to why an agency, professional, or parent didn’t do their job. Good intentions can no longer be a shield from accountability or responsibility.
Adoption agencies can’t ignore due diligence and ethics because their intentions are good. Nor can they escape accountability for disruptions, coercion, fraud or trafficking because their agency has good intentions.
Adoption professionals cannot tell parents that love is enough when it comes to race, loss, grief, etc., because they have good intentions. Professionals don’t get to hide behind good intentions when adult adoptees are calling them out on their lack of foresight on behalf of the children they placed. They have step-up and advocate for the adults that were once were those children.
Adoptive parents don’t get to adopt children of color and live in an all-white community just because they have good intentions. Good intentions are not a replacement for developing the skills to talk about race and adoption with their children.
Adoptees don’t get to use their agency’s or their parents’ good intentions as a reason as to why we should be grateful about our circumstances. Good intentions are not a balm to soothe grief, loss, trauma and sadness.
Good intentions need to disappear and be replaced with research, reason, logic, education, ethics, morals, hard-work, responsibility, accountability and critical thinking. If good intentions pave the road to Hell, then the adoption community must have a twelve-lane highway to take us there.