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“It is in a way like war for me. I lived a lifetime of battles with myself and other people when it came to my truth about my adoption. I let everyone else win by allowing them to speak for me, and by silencing myself.”: My Conversation With Linda Louwho, aka, Real Daughter

Update: We apologize to those of you who received the not-so-clean version of this post. WordPress is acting a bit glitchy today and somehow the post published during the editing process.
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Happy Monday to you, dear reader! We return to “normal” (whatever the heck that means for this ridiculous blog) here at Land of Gazillion Adoptees, and Linda, whom many know as Real Daughter, starts the week off proper.  For those of you who don’t know her, let’s just say that she sets the tone of her blog with these words: “THIS BLOG IS RATED NC-17…  The ‘F’ word is my favorite word.”  Love it!

Enjoy.

P.S. The “Let’s Give Away $10,000” fundraising effort is currently sitting at 29 pledges, $1,650 raised.  Please keep the pledges coming!  I can’t wait to give away the money with all of you.  A big thanks to all, including the following folks who want to let the world know of their support:

Jennifer and Brian Arndt-Johns
Susan Branco Alvarado
Bert and Sarah Ballard
Aaron Cunningham
Farnad Darnell
Sarah Hafner
Ami Nafzger/Aron Spiess
Chris Perrin
Brent Snavely. 

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Land of Gazillion Adoptees: So, your blog is intense! Could you talk about your goals and your approach for it?

Linda: One of my goals is to speak my truth about being adopted. I’ve only been speaking my truth for 3 years, so I have a lot of catching up to do. My feelings about MY adoption continually evolve with each phase of my life, and with each phase of “reunion.” It’s messy, LOL. I am discovering more about my story and circumstances surrounding my adoption, even though I have been in reunion for almost 25 years, and with each discovery there is a new set of feelings — confusion, loss, anger, pain and then acceptance. Oh, and a few WTF’s, too!

Another goal is to get people to realize the corruption involved in the adoption industry and end adoptee discrimination that occurs from sealed original birth certificates. (I’m one of those adoptees who cannot obtain a passport due to new post 9/11 security rules. Thank you messed up amended birth certificate and file dates!)

One other thing I want to do is make AP’s (adoptive parents) and PAP’s (prospective adoptive parents) think about WHY they want to adopt. Let them know that raising someone else’s child will not fix their marriage, will not heal them from the pain of infertility, and that raising a stranger’s child is not even close to raising a biological child of their own. That last one pisses people off, big time, but it is true. Yes, they may LOVE a stranger baby like their own, but they will never be connected/bonded to them as they would be with one of their own. It’s impossible; they’re not genetically related to them. And THAT bothers them. But it should not. We are genetically related to another family, and to deny that we are different hurts us. It’s insulting.

Oh, and for God’s sake, stop using God as an excuse to adopt. Adoption is not “god’s plan.” It’s a man made thing. Way to mess up a kid’s perception of God.

I really have no approach that I know of. I just write as it happens, or when memories or triggers occur. Since coming out of my fog, the memories (adoption related) seem to come fast and furious — purging, if you will.

Land of Gazillion Adoptees: Awesome. Is the person we see in your blog the “real you” or a persona?

Linda: Yes, it is the real me, or at least a big part of me, snark and all. I was a professional stand up comic for about 5 years, and I am an actress. So, I can be a bit dramatic, sarcastic, shocking, over the top and a bit in your face. Those qualities (or to some people, character flaws, LOL) are also defense mechanisms for me.

I’ve dealt with pain and adoption confusion with humor. I mean, seriously, being raised by people who are nothing like you can lead to some hilarious situations, and to not make fun of bizarre adopto-land seems odd to me. Because adoption is bizarre!

Land of Gazillion Adoptees: It’s bizarre indeed… What advice do you have for bloggers like me who’ve only been doing this for, what, three months?

Linda: Hmm…this is tricky. My blog, like my feelings about my own adoption, has evolved. It will continue to evolve. I used to think in black and white. It was hard for me to believe that not every adoptee thought about adoption like me. I never knew another adoptee, except for my a brother until three years ago.

Just keep in mind that your truth is your truth. If someone else does not accept it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t true. It just means it’s different than someone else’s. Arm yourself with some sort of bulletproof shield for your brain. You will need it when people start dismissing your feelings and your experiences, which they will if your truth collides with theirs. While some people can challenge you in a thoughtful way, many challenge you in a way that makes you think you are at war. I will be the first to admit, I’ve hurled a few online verbal weapons myself against some of the garbage I’ve seen written about adoptees, or against people who are so clueless about adoption that it frightens me any child could (or is) in their possession.

It is in a way like war for me. I lived a lifetime of battles with myself and other people when it came to my truth about my adoption. I let everyone else win by allowing them to speak for me, and by silencing myself.

Land of Gazillion Adoptees: Word…  Thanks, Linda! And to you, dear reader, please be sure to check out some more thoughts from Linda at Real Daughter.

1 Comment on “It is in a way like war for me. I lived a lifetime of battles with myself and other people when it came to my truth about my adoption. I let everyone else win by allowing them to speak for me, and by silencing myself.”: My Conversation With Linda Louwho, aka, Real Daughter

  1. Love it!

    “We loved you LIKE you were our own…”, making it perfectly clear that you were, in fact, not “theirs”.

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