Why the adoption establishment annoys me – An LGA conversation

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Ok, everyone! If you haven’t been reading about why the adoption establishment annoys our friends in the blogosphere, please do. Big thanks to our blogger friends in taking the theme and writing such clear and eloquent statements. I’m inspired! See links to posts here>>

This evening, the Land of Gazillion Adoptees blog co-editors took sometime to talk amongst ourselves about why the adoption establishment annoys us. Our conversation is below:

KOV (Kevin Ost-Vollmers): What’s up, Gieseke?!

SKMG (Shelise Keum Mee Gieseke): Just got back from Zumba class, so I’m full of endorphins!

KOV: What the heck is Zumba? Is it like a derivative of Zumba Pants? Zuba Pants..?

SKMG: It’s a gross appropriation of ethnic dance forms used for the fitness of middle class Americans.

KOV: Ha! That’s awesome! So, is it fun?

SKMG: Totally! If you don’t think too hard about the appropriation part.

KOV: Well, speaking of appropriation… Let’s move onto some real heavy stuff. So, we’re participating in the Unofficial “Why the adoption establishment Annoys Me” Blog week.

What’s up with that? Who’s freaking idea was it anyway?

SKMG: Whoever it was, they are definitely a rabble rouser. I think his name is Kevin.

KOV: What a dick. So, what annoys you about the adoption establishment, Gieseke?

SKMG: Reflecting a bit on the LGA podcast with Melanie, what bothers me most at the moment is the inability of establishment to recognize and administer quality post-adoption services. Right now, what agencies offer are only lip service to the depth and quality of services adoptive families and adoptees need. If they offer any at all.

KOV: Spot on. As it comes to agencies, that’s one of the issues that bothers me the most. If you don’t have post adoption services, say that you don’t. Quit exaggerating what you have. Just be honest, and make alternative plans, make connections with other orgs that do, etc.

Speaking of other orgs, that’s the reason why I appreciate the work all of you are doing with Adoption Mosaic.

SKMG: Thanks! I agree that doption agencies should claim expertise where they really have it and only where they really have it – in placement.

More and more, I see that relying on agencies to support and development post-adoption services is foolish. It is in direct conflict with their bottom-line. Also, when families work so hard to prove they should be parents, they hardly want to admit to their agency that they are in need of more support or resources.

KOV: Word to that. So, speaking of orgs doing stuff that can pick up the slack, isn’t Adoption Mosaic partnering with some agencies or an agency?

SKMG: Sure. Adoption Mosaic has done two webinars about talking with your kids about adoption that have been hosted by Holt International.

KOV: Holt?!

SKMG: Yes, Holt approached Adoption Mosaic because of its reputation for quality curriculum and Astrid’s (executive director) wonderful ability to gently challenge parents.

KOV: That Astrid…

SKMG: She’s the best! They [Holt] decided they didn’t want to reinvent the wheel. Both webinars had very high participation and we are hoping that we will be able to do some in-person training with Holt families in the future.

It’s a new way to bring post-adoption services to families and we believe it is a better way. One, we’re adoptees; two, we’re professionals; three, our only agenda is to educate and support.

KOV: Most excellent! I’m not going to give Holt any credit here. I’m going to give it all to the good folks (including you) at Adoption Mosaic. Nicely done!

So, what’s your beef with JCICS?

SKMG: Simply, they don’t represent my interest, nor do they care what my interest as an adult adoptee might be.

KOV: Oh, snap! And here’s my thing about JCICS. The folks running the place are not honest about what JCICS actually does. It’s an org that represents adoption agencies. It’s a membership organization for adoption agencies. Hence, it is interested in the best interest of adoption agencies, which are concerned with their bottom line, which is impacted by the number of referrals, which equates into money, money, money. Additionally, JCICS acts as a lobby. It’s in DC Metro and interacts with lawmakers and their staff frequently. JCICS lobbies on behalf of adoption agencies.

JCICS is NOT the fluffy, warm cuddly thing it portrays itself to be on its website. Seriously. What’s up with that website?

SKMG: Yeah, the website *head shake, sigh*

KOV: So, what else bothers you about the adoption establishment, Gieseke?

SKMG: The lies. Personally, it is a hard thing to accept that what little information I have about my life prior to relinquishment is completely unreliable. It is also hard to see that agencies do not seem concerned about the kind of misinformation they are selling as truth. They hide behind things like privacy, but I think agency policies are just lazy and irresponsible.

KOV: You’re not pulling any punches today…

SKMG: Nope.

KOV: So, since we’re talking a lot of smack, what do you think about this whole “Angels In Adoption” thing?

SKMG: Fluffy BS. Justification for a flawed system.

KOV: Did you know that Rick Santorum sponsored Jerry Sandusky?

SKMG: Yikes.

KOV: So, we’ve kind of complained a bit. Folks are probably rolling their eyes at this point. Why don’t we talk about some stuff we’d like to see in the future to combat some of the weirdness coming from the adoption establishment.

A dream of mine is to see in 2012 the launch/beginnings of a national organization that represents a diverse body of adoptees. It would be great to see adult adoptees be represented when the likes of JCICS, NCFA, CCAI, etc., engage in conversations with policy makers on adoption legislation. There are so many great adoptees, with such wonderful experiences, expertise, and drive… An organization like that would be amazing!

SKMG: It would indeed be amazing! Adoptees do need to have a representative group that is functioning on the same level as placement advocates.

KOV: Absolutely. Any dreams of yours before we end this banter, Gieseke?

SKMG: Shooting for the moon . . . a fundamental change in the perception of adoption that includes first parents, adult adoptees and starts to address big picture issues like race and class privilege, sexism, and reproductive rights. For the establishment . . . less hiding behind good intentions and more addressing of the actual consequences of their policies.

KOV: Word to that.

Renegades in Adoption – Astrid Dabbeni

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As a proud participant of the Unofficial “Why the adoption establishment annoys me” Blog Week, I thought it would be appropriate to induct a new Renegade in Adoption. So, I am happy to name Astrid Dabbeni as our newest Renegade in Adoption.

Astrid is a transracial, Colombian adoptee who is in reunion with her mother. She is also the co-founder and executive director of Adoption Mosaic (Full disclosure – I am an employee of Adoption Mosaic). Astrid and three adoptive parents created Adoption Mosaic to fulfill what they saw as a much needed gap in the services available to adoptive families. A gap that adoption agencies were not moving to fill for their families.

If you have ever had the privilege to meet Astrid or participate in one of her workshops, renegade probably is not the first word that comes to mind. Open-minded, gentle, safe, patient and persistent are probably better words to describe this fearless leader. Astrid has the unique ability to help everyone in a room feel validated and supported.

In her unique and gentle way, she has challenged the traditional adoption narrative by giving voice to those often unheard in the adoption experience; fought against the power structures within adoption by offering the quality support and education that those in power continue to deny is necessary or just don’t have a clue about; and truly advanced the adoption community by building bridges and creating allies among adoption agencies, professionals, adoptive and birth parents and adoptees.

Astrid is a renegade because the slow and steady change she is making in the adoption experience will provide long-lasting, sustainable, positive consequences for all those that follow behind her.

Debrief: Operation Babylift

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This weekend, LGA subsidiary, Watch Adoptee Films and Against the Grain Productions, offered the opportunity to stream the documentary, Operation Babylift: The Lost Children of Vietnam.

Thanks to everyone who participated!  I, personally, participated in a wonderful discussion of the film this weekend, which is one of the things I appreciate about adoptee films.

Another interesting item came to light regarding a person interviewed in the film; a guest post by vietK over at LGA blog friend, Slant Eye for the Round Eye. The author recounts a conversation with Ross Meador, co-director of Friends of Children of Vietnam at the time of the babylift operation. The author states,

I’m writing this because I think you should know about it. Because you put on your blog a film that highlighted these people from Operation Babylift, Meador included, who are exalted and put on a pedestal, sometimes their voices the only ones you hear.

The din of the aftermath still ringing.

I think vietK makes a good point that the voices that are the loudest, given the highest platform and most valued, are often the voices of decision makers and not the bearers of the consequences. This week, as bloggers in the adoption community talk about “Why the Adoption Establishment Annoys Me“, I hope we can all open our ears to the voices of those who bear the consequences, but also work to change the future.