LGA contributor, Farnad J. Darnell, gives his take on an article about international adoptee reunion and raises some thoughtful questions. How can we truly know what is in a child’s best interest? What is “better off” and how is that idea determined? Reader, we want to know your thoughts – comment away!

If you haven’t had the chance to read the Washington Post article “Born abroad, adopted teens find home in multiple lands,” then please read it before continuing with the post. My write-up is a response to the piece.

Ms. Bahrampour writes a general piece about children adopted from Kazakhstan and Russia, brought to live in the DC Metro area, and who are now in their late teens and early 20s and tackling issues of identity by wanting to see where they came from. For many adoptees this is a natural process, and indeed the article is well-written in following with this narrative. She mentions the name of one adoptee who does not desire to search for their past, but continues with those who do desire to search.

But alas, the devil is in the details. The now teen was, to put it crudely, abducted by doctors because they knew her mother and thought the girl would have a better chance and better life if she were put up for adoption. This is my contention: how do any of us know what is in fact the best interest of the child? What legitimate authority could possibly know the best interest of the child? She was abducted, but the doctors told her mother she had died, so she need not come back to see if her child’s health was improving. The best interest of the child? It is nowhere to be found on either side of this story.

The profiled teen takes the opportunity to visit her home country of Kazakhstan, and this is when she realizes what poverty looks like, as well as what her family looks like. She has a mirror image of where she came from; indeed, her [physical] identity has a validation. But there is another exchange taking place – she knows where she came from and from her perspective her life is great; but not so for her family. But, she wouldn’t have to know if she hadn’t been kidnapped and put up for adoption. She wouldn’t question her identity and that of her family, and she wouldn’t have to deal with some semblance of survivor’s guilt…she knows she’s better off than her family and she can’t help them. Best interest of the child?

I don’t mean to dismiss her fortune; indeed, she is fortunate to have a loving home and opportunities she wouldn’t have otherwise. But, why is it a bad thing to think she would be worse off? How would she know? Isn’t it in a sense identity relativity? Bottom line: being adopted isn’t as simple and loving as some stories make it out to be. It is messy; it is frustrating; it is sad; it is empty.

I would like to make one last point: the article does not pursue the issue of kidnapping or child abduction for profit and adoption. This is another topic I will pursue from this article. To be continued . . .

New York, New York! Do not miss an opportunity to attend 6 Evenings on Transracial Adoption with Adult Adoptees organized by Adoptive Families with Children of African Heritage and their Friends, Families with Children from China of Greater New York, and New York St. John’s University, Adoption Initiative.

Watch Adopted: The Movie and discuss the themes with serious adoptee ass-kickers.  Look at this line-up:

Tuesday, February 28: Adopted.The Movie: Amanda Baden
Tuesday, March 6: Session 1: Intentions: Nancy Kim Parsons
Tuesday, March 13: Session 2: Parenting the Adopted Child: Joy Lieberthal
Tuesday, April 3: Session 3: The MultiRacial Family: Tara Linh Leaman and Liz Raleigh
Tuesday, April 17: Session 4: Identity for the Transracial Adoptee: Nancy Kim Parsons with the protagonist of ADOPTED Jennifer Fero (to be confirmed)
Tuesday May 1: Session 5: Tough Questions: Kacy Ames

I have some major East Coast envy right now. Click here for details and registration

Adoption can be pretty serious territory, but thanks to Interactive Designer and all-around-artist, Jessica Sun Lee, we can take some times to laugh at the world . . . and ourselves. http://e-kads.com/

Land of Gazillion Adoptees: Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you? And, what occupies your time?

Jessica Sun Lee:  I’m the only adoptee in an Irish-Italian American family of seven kids. We grew up in a suburb north of Boston and had a weekend/summer home on a really small island near a tourist town in Maine. Because of this, I experienced many reactions towards me from a variety of people early on. Needless to say, I also had private reactions towards their reactions towards me.

I did a stint in Key West and lived in Ireland for a few years but found my way back to Boston. I can’t say I’ll stay here forever, but I know a lot of good people and have work connections here. Speaking of which, I’m an Interactive Designer and have been for over a decade. It’s not a bad living, but someday I’d like to spend the majority of my time writing, creating art, and music. My latest band is Secret Satellites and my bandmate Jeff Clarke made a video for a song that I wrote about adoption. It’s called ‘Abandoned Property’ and the video is here: http://secretsatellites.com/vids.

Land of Gazillion Adoptees:  Your cards are so funny and spot on! What inspired you to start creating e-kads?

Jessica Sun Lee: Thanks! The obvious answer is: Life as a Korean Adoptee. But in all honesty, my boyfriend and I like puns and one day he was making fun of the Boston accent saying the word ‘cards’. It struck me as sounding like ‘KADs’ and I thought it would be a funny double entendre.

Over the past few years I’ve gotten more involved in the Korean Adoptee community and felt–and still feel–that we need more voices to communicate who we are and what we deal with on a regular basis. I had an idea to make a video montage of KADs recording PSAs but that idea seemed too ambitious–and maybe too intense, so I took it up on my own the best way I know how.

Since they were born from a good natured joke, I figured it’d be best to keep them that way for the most part. I think humor is more accessible and effective for people than outright bitterness or boring facts. Negativity can come off as a plea for sympathy, and I don’t like being represented that way. KADs have been through a lot and we’re strong–but can definitely benefit from some understanding.

Land of Gazillion Adoptees:  Where do you get all your funny phrases for the card? Do you ever get hate mail because someone is offended by an e-kad you’ve created?

Jessica Sun Lee:  I honestly thought I’d get some poor feedback from people who took offense, but I actually haven’t yet. That could be because it’s only been going since September and I made it difficult for people to contact me from the e-KADs site. I think it’s sad, though, that so many are prepared to be offended by things, and knew some of the cards would be controversial. But at the end of the day, what matters to me is that they’re my way of having a voice and spreading awareness. I don’t even know most of the people who’ve ‘liked’ e-KADs on Facebook–and I think it’s totally awesome that people are relating to and sharing them. My hope is that non-KADs will also see them passed around, too. Even if they don’t get them at first, it might spawn conversation.

As to the phrases, most of them are just written off the cuff from either recent or past experiences I’ve had. Because it’s just a side project, there’s always a long queue of therapeutic cards to make. It’s amazing how satisfying it is to just get these things out of my system–and then feel justified when people ‘get’ them.

Land of Gazillion Adoptee:  Right on. Do you have a personal favorite?

Jessica Sun Lee:  It depends on the day! This one came to me one morning that I was really craving Oolong tea. Walking back to my office, I was laughing to myself about it. I couldn’t wait to get it onto a card. Oh, the instant gratification of the internet. http://e-kads.com/2011/12/me-love-oolong-time/